Transitioning from a stay-at-home mom to a full-time working mom hasn’t been easy. The worst part of the day happens at 8:30am ( 8:20 when I’m good) when I have to say bye to the boys, pry their pancake-battered fingers off my legs, and be apart from them for the next nine hours. Thankfully, we’re incredibly blessed to have a strong support group in the form of a loving montessori for Mister, an amazing preschool for Lucas, and grandmas who love their grandsons to pieces and chip in whenever they can.
Still, that’s sometimes not enough for me to feel at ease about the whole arrangement. There are moments when I’m at work and I get this sudden, stabbing ache to be home. Don’t get me wrong; I have a decent job, to-die-for benefits, and great colleagues, but they just don’t replace a simple, mundane day with the boys. Staying in PJ’s. Taking slow, heel-to-toe walks to the park. Having the time to make 3 square meals a day. Being there to hear their ever word, to witness them learn something new or revel in something old.
It’s hard to be be physically in one place and emotionally in another. When the kids are older and not so needy I’m sure things will change, and hopefully at that point I will be completely engaged in a career or endeavor I love and identify as my passion. But for now, it’s a plate-spinning trick, balancing act, and tug-of-war all rolled into one.